Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
