He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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