I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
