My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
