epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
