I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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