That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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