I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize