I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
