The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
