I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
