Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
