So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
