ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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