Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
