the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
