you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
