I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize