a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
