are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
