My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
