Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
