i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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