yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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