A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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