I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
