plz talk dirty to me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
