Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
