marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
