Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
