You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
