I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
