Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
