I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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