dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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