Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
