My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
