im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize