My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
