He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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