He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
