Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
