Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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