...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
