Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
