Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
