getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
