Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize