just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
