Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
