He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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