i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm at about main and main street
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
