I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
