I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
