My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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