Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
