Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
