He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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