Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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