Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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