If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
