last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
