I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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