Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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