i just wanna soil my oats bro
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
