I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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