I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
