The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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