I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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