So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
