forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
