hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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