Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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