even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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