I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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