Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
